NEW community site to expand your social life  DatingMating.com  - JOIN FREE

Divorce Workshop : How-To-Heal-Yourself

---

Join the most exciting new community on Family issues. You will like it. idealFamily.Com - Discuss family issues Life styles household, housekeeping and secrets to family life

IdealFamily.com is a clean community for all moms, dads and members of family who want to live a loving, fulfilling life. Please join it free and share your love. Win new friends and receive plenty of blessings and love.

• My fiance is haveong issues sticking up for our engagment what should i do? [1] 5/4 08:34pm

• Husband cheating in iraq. [6] 4/22 07:18am

• Wife lesbian love affair [1] 3/16 10:18pm

• Ex wife=user how to stop her? [20] 3/15 02:39am

• Dumped when pregnant [5] 3/9 07:29pm

• Feedback - my wife will not sign the papers [2] 1/22 01:26am

• My husband wont make love to me [27] 1/18 11:48pm

• He loved her more [2] 11/18 07:38pm

• I love my wife, but I keep cheating on her, now she wants a divorce [1] 11/11 04:54am

• Dealing with a my husbands psycho ex for sake of kids... [1] 10/24 11:10pm

• Divorced 20 years and still living together until I got sick [2] 7/24 07:42am

• Husband wont tell ex and kids that we are married what do i do? [2] 7/7 04:18am

• What to do when your marriage is ending [54] 6/11 02:56am

• My husband is addicted to porn(live and still) and alcohol [1] 2/15 03:36pm

• Change of Heart? [2] 1/28 04:45am

• Engaged, my girlfriends ex wants her back how does she tell him no. KIDS INVOLVED [1] 12/31 06:40pm

• I just found out my husband was cheating online. [5] 12/11 12:06pm

• Frozen relationship - What should I do [9] 11/24 01:27pm

• Husband joined French Foreign Legion. Am I still married? [2] 11/22 09:57am

• I drove him away [5] 4/3 01:16am

• Divorced and unhappily re-married [2] 12/28 02:55pm

• My ex claims that divorcing me was all a mistake!! what do I do?? [4] 10/23 03:11pm

• Divorce/seperation [15] 9/20 02:39am

• HUSBAND CANT MAKE LOVE TO ME [16] 9/13 04:42pm

• Unhappily Married with Children [7] 9/5 02:09pm

• The other woman after the divorce [1] 8/25 07:56am

• Why does his ex-wife have to call him baby since they havent been together for over 6 years? [1] 7/27 10:52pm

• I want to kill my self!!! [5] 3/5 11:35am

• Divorce, but not my choice. So sad now, what to do? [3] 1/17 08:38am

• Husband is mad that I am pregnant. [1] 1/14 02:58am

• Dating boss who is married [2] 12/27 11:36pm

• I kind of know where my wife is but not quite where how do i find her [3] 10/7 11:53pm

• What should I do when my husband flirts with girls online every night? [1] 7/31 01:35am

• Polygamy [1] 8/1 10:18pm

• Archive through March 23, 2001 [15] 3/23 05:07pm

• Archive through June 05, 2002 [8] 6/5 09:02pm

Join the most exciting new community on Family issues. You will like it. idealFamily.Com - Discuss family issues Life styles household, housekeeping and secrets to family life

IdealFamily.com is a clean community for all moms, dads and members of family who want to live a loving, fulfilling life. Please join it free and share your love. Win new friends and receive plenty of blessings and love.

So, I was out on the web looking for advice on how to deal with my situation and found that I'm not the only one going through this. Here's my story. I have been married for 25 years. I've know my wife since she was 15. I even taught her to drive. We have 2 kids, one 21 and the other 17. After taking very good care of her for all these years, she has decided that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. She blames me for this because she is afraid to tell me things that happen in our life because of the way I react.

We had some financial issue because of my layoff. All is well now and I'm back to work. We are both in counciling now. She has her's working on trying to make her happy and I have mine working to make me a better person and to help me with this situation. I finally told her that it's great that we have theropy but nobody is working on us. I was ready to give up and tell her to leave, but she is finally realizing that if she wants out I'm ready to let her go and she's not ready for that. So we now have a 3rd theropist to help us with the marriage. She shows no feelings for me and I can't even get any hope that she wants to be with me anymore. That is so hard to deal with. I know she wants me to hang in there until she gets herself straight so we can then work on us, but its hard with nothing to give me hope. Well, I'm going to give the marriage counciling a chance. I love her with all my heart, but the pain of no affection is a real killer. I appreciate any advise. I would love to find someone who is going through the same thing and have had it work out. I'm having a hard time believing that she will come back to loving me again.

Do you think therapists or counselors can help a marriage really?
Love is the only way to reach to each other.
Love is always there but at times it gets eclipsed like moon on a stormy night.

Communicate to her more, do things for her without expecting and be more loving.
Love attracts love.

editor

Peter -

Not going to tell you that you are wrong, because you're actions certainly were not that of a loving husband. Having said that you are obviously very upset and at a low point in your life.

I hope you are in or seeking couseling. Both the history of your actions as well as your beating yourself up now (to the level that you hate yourself) are problematic. You should not feel good about your actions, but it is more important to understand them and avoid the same types of behavior going forward.

Things will get better for you. They will change - no doubt about that, and be different, but they will get better. You made the choices you made and now need to understand them to create the right future going forward. Life is what you make of it - I hope you take proactive steps to take it the direction that is right for you and the people around you. Tough times ahead, but they will pass and make you stronger/wiser.

Good luck.

I am the slimmy married man. I have two wonderful children 13
& 11) who I love to death. However, I cheated on my wife time
and time again over the 23 years of our marriage. Three of those
affairs last years. My wife found out about all of them and would
only ask that they stop - yet I would find myself involved again
within a year or so. We had counseling both together and alone.
I've discussed that there was something missing in our
marriage, but we just plodded along. Our lack of connection has
left us with no companionship or direction in life, other than
raising our children as best we can. We haven't had intimate
relations for years, and before that it was spotty at best.
6 years ago, I started another extramarital affair. It has lasted
this long, and again my wife found out. She knows her name,
address, phone - and again just asked that I stop.
This august I told the other woman I was ending our
relationship, and a month later she informed me she was
pregnant. All along we were using protection.. but all of a
sudden after I mentioned an end - I became the lucky 1% failure
rate of the patch.
I am not looking for pity or sympathy as I couldn't feel any lower
about myself already. I know I am worse than slim. Especially for
my wife.. I want to disappear from myself. I can not stand who I
have become, or what I have done. And now there is another
innocent child being thrown into this mess I created, just
because I selfishly couldn't figure out what life and happiness is
really about. I am a 48 year old fool who feels stupider than a
high school student. I don't know what to do. I have told the
mother to be that I would do my part to financially support her
and that would be all. I know once I tell everyone about this, I
will most likely loose my family as well. To me there is no silver
lining. I've raised 2 children, the diapers, bottles, formula, etc.
the mother to be, has no clue as to what it entails. Nor does she
have anyone to help. It is a mess, and it is all my fault.
I am just praying that God shows me some kind of direction to
allow me to save me from a lifetime of self hate.
I hope someone listens to me and does not yield to temptation
and foolish behavior as I did. I have sinned against the very
people I love and who loved me. I hate myself.

Shut down inside
My wife and I enjoyed being very happy together. We began going in differant directions two yrs ago in our sex life. After way to many talks and trying to work something out about it and nothing but frustration time and time again, I shut down inside. I asked her not to touch me for when she did I wanted to vomit, literally. My mind won't let me dwell on it and I don't know if I can bare talking about it with her yet one more time. Just that thought literally sickens me.

Ive lived a horrible existance that I nearly didn't survive with my 1st wife for 17 yrs and sex was her choice of weapons. Everyone of those feelings are back of what she did to me. I know they're two separate people but it feels the same thing over again in that department. I'm crying and torn inside and I know my wife is sad. I don't think she has felt much when we have sex in a very long time. I can't go on pretending anymore. I don't know how to come out of it even if I could get the want to in me.

am 29. I will be 30 Sunday. My boyfriend of 3 years is 31. His ex wife that he has two kids with is 28. His boys are 8 & 10. He comes over most nights. He gets the kids everyother weekend and on Tuesdays. I have never been married and don't have kids and don't want kids of my own. I am having a hard time dealing with his ex wife because she never does what she says she will do, she has nude pictures of herself on the internet, and she left a note in his truck. She also asked him what it would take for him to come home. She is remarried but sep. She also has a one year old child from anohter man (not her husband). I have anxiety when he calls over there to check on the kids because I am afraid he will engage her in conversation and go back home for the kids because she does need help. Plus he knows I don't want kids of my own. I want this to work becasue I do love him but I am scared of her and what she might do next. I don't trust her and I would be afraid to marry him for fear she would try to come to my home. Can you help me cope and get numb to the situation as what I am doing is clearly not working?
Thanks,
Shelly


You cant force anything but you can wait for some more time. You can also have more communication with him and try to know where does he stand.
You can tell him about your feelings and fears with sincerity and tell him that you feel insecure.

Ed.

Someone please give me advice! I am 44 years old and about to become engaged to a minister. He took over my father's church after my father died. The problem is his ex wife. They have three children. She still calls him to cry on his shoulder and he comforts her and calls her "baby". Since she found out about me, she has called him everyday and become all buddy-buddy with him. She didn't do that before. They have been divorced for two years. She cheated on him repeatedly for years and he always forgave her and took her back. Now she lives with another man (who is married) and is planning on marrying him when he gets his divorce, but she still wants to manipulate my fiance. He is angry with me because I told him he is still holding on to some form of relationship with her and needs to search his heart with honesty and purity to be sure that his motives are holy. He became very angry when I told him that. He said I made him defensive and I told him people only become defensive when they have something to defend. I also told him that there is no room in our relationship for her and that made him angry. She told him she wants to be friends with me and I told him unequivocably no. This, too, made him angry. Why? Am I wrong in this? I don't feel that I am. I have prayed long and hard about this and I still feel the same. I have told him that she is no longer anything to him, she is simply his children's mother. Someone please help! CC

I am a mother of five and I have been married for four years. My husband confessed to me four months ago that he had been with three different women on one night occasions during our marriage. We had been together six years before we married and has never swayed crooked before. I know he loves me and our children very much to his degree and it is just not good enough for me. When he told me I weeped for him, as though it was sad that such a beautiful person fell for temptation of such a momentaringly invaluable time. The worth had no comparison to what we had and his weakness was foolish on his part. I care for him as the friend and partner and play mate that I knew but today I am trying to determine what god would want for me and my children. I appreciate life, I am not depressed but I feel for the man that I loved, the pain he caused himself. My children will always know the best of both of us and nothing else. Women out there with or without children, remain strong because we are gifted, and powerful and we will always overcome. Always be honest with yourself and allow yourself the time to heal properly, take the time to search yourself until every bitterness leaves your side, then take a big breath and enjoy who you are.

I've been married 8 years in the middle of Sept. My husband has a FRIEND that he keeps away from me. He's been on a trip to see her and when he came home he's been unbearable since. He doesn't know if he loves me. Or if he wants our marriage to work. I'm so lost and confused. We have two children. Our daughter is the love of his life. Our son he says he just there. I've never been on my own. Or on the other hand make enough for us to be on our own. He wants his friend more then his family.

i am still married- though not for long. my husband is leaving me and our four children i am only 27 years old and i feel like my life is already over. i have no job and no money- i have been a houswife all along. i am so lost and confused. i have no support at all. my back is to the wall. he does not even care if we become homeless. can anyone give me words of wisdom?

BREAKUP OF MARRIAGES ARE OFTEN DIFFICULT. I DATED A MARRIED MAN FOR 5 YEARS OF THE 10 YEARS WE DATED, THE OTHER 5 YEARS HE WAS DIVORCED. MY EX LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER WOMAN WHILE 7 MONTHS PREGNANT WHICH IS WHY I ALLOWED MYSELF TO BECOME A VICTIM ALL OVER AGAIN WITH A MARRIED MAN. USING THE EXCUSE THAT MARRIED WOMEN AND SINGLE WOMEN DON'T CARE ABOUT ME OR MY HUSBAND BEING TOGETHER -- I HAVE NOW RECOVERED EVERY NICKLE AND DIME LOST AND MY SELF ESTEEM 16 YEARS LATER AND MAKE THE INCOME OF TWO PEOPLE AS THOUGH I NEVER MISSED A BEAT. IT HAS BEEN A STRUGGLE, MANY HIGHS AND LOWS. IT DID NOT HAVE TO TAKE 16 YEARS OF SORROW BEFORE TAKING MY LIFE BACK, I CHOSE TO WALLOW IN DESPAIR. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LET LIFE SLIP BY YOU LIKE THAT.

I LOVED HIS MAN THAT I MET AFTER MY HUSBAND DID WHAT HE DID WHICH WAS UNCONSCIENABLE AT THE TIME. SOMETIMES PEOPLE DO AS THEY WITNESS AND DO NOT KNOW ANY BETTER. IF THEIR FATHERS DID THE SAME, THEY MAY NOT HAVE HAD AN EXAMPLE TO FOLLOW. SAME THING COULD HAPPEN WITH WOMEN TO THE MEN. OFTEN YOU WILL FEEL LIKE YOU DID SOMETHING TO WARRANT THIS, THIS IS NOT ALWAYS THE CASE. YOU MAY EVEN BEING GOING THROUGH A STORM WHERE OTHERS ARE SAYING THINGS LIKE "SHE MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING FOR HIM TO LEAVE HER...WHO COULD BE SO CRUEL"? BEEN THERE AND HEARD IT.

TODAY I STILL LOVE THE MAN THAT RESCUED ME EVEN AS A SECOND VICTIM HE RE-MARRIED HIS EX FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS. 7 YEARS LATER, HIS RE-MARRIAGE HAS NEVER WORKED OUT AND HE STILL LOVES ME BUT DARE NOT COME TO ME FOR A RELATIONSHIP SINCE I AM 600 MILES FROM HIM NOW, PLUS TO HEAR ME SAY YOU MADE A MISTAKE DID'NT YA? AT TIMES WE GET TOGETHER FOR DINNER WHEN HE COMES TO DC ON FREQUENT TRIPS. SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS LOVE A PERSON BUT MAY NOT BE IN LOVE WITH THEM ANYMORE. FEEL ME? SOMETIMES WE FIND OURSELVES IN A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF PAIN, BUT THAT PAIN WILL SUBSIDE IN TIME. THERE WERE DAYS I WISHED I COULD GO TO SLEEP AND NEVER WAKE UP FROM THE PAIN BACK THEN. I KNOW THERE ARE SOME OTHER THERE FEELING THIS, MEN AS WELL. IF YOU COULD HAVE A TALK WITH GOD DO YOU THINK YOU'D ASK HIM WHY DID YOUR LIFE TURN OUT THE WAY IT DID...AND WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE? EVEN IN YOUR PAIN, THERE IS A PURPOSE. I HAVE MINISTERED TO HUNDREDS OF WOMEN....MY PURPOSE IS AN EXTENSION OF MY PAINFUL EXPERIENCES...KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE USED THE SAME WAY.

NOTE ::
Please join the New Forums.  Click here to post

Please do not post soliciting ads on discussions. Free INSTANT Classified Matrimonial ads >>
North America | America Latina | India | South Asia

[c] 1996-2006 marriagepartner.com -| Home Page