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Join the most exciting new community on Family issues. You will like it. idealFamily.Com - Discuss family issues Life styles household, housekeeping and secrets to family life

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I would love advise with my situation.I am in a relationship with a man,and have 3 children and the last one belongs to my current partner.Mt eldest daughter is 15 and we are having difficulties in respect to my daughter and partner constantly bickering.Its a great strain on our relationship,but mainly my partner has physically assulted me and my daughter got angry and started swearing at him which i dont agree with but i was in a bad way,and since then last year its never been the same.I love my daughter dearly and she to me is the typical teenager but my partner wont except her and has also thrown her out.She is due to return next week and im so scared of the violence as it only happens when they come to blows.Please can any one relate to this or give me advice

This is a very serious problem that you better deal with extreme care. Do not take it lightly that is if there is real danger of violence you must call police help.

Now to resolve this hard issue you must understand that the challenge here is that there is no compassion between them and your love and compassion towards him surely has lowered or has been plaqued with fear.

Do something creative and thoughtful that will bring first your friendship back with him. You must resolve your issues with him. If you really are smart, throw your ego [its as false as false hair] and deal with him face to face without fear and resolve all pending issues. It will take one fine day not more than that. IF YOU can not handle issues with him in one day, you can expect problems between you both.

Next when resolved you deal with your child and ask her to forgive you for ultimately she was aggravated for having compassion for you. She is a good child. Next deal with him and tell him that hurting her is hurting you and also himself.

His behaviour is not acceptable and must be reviewed by him. You can induce love and compassion in him by awakening him from his slumber and hardened cover.

Explain him how much hurt his bad conduct to the teenage child will has been caused and if you both do not repair and heal her NOW it will impact her relationships in future forever.
SHE WILL BE in a semi traumatic state for long time to come and this will impact her future growth.

This is a very serious matter and must be dealt intelligently and with speed.

If you do not understand and cant handle take professional advice with urgency. If you do not do further steps you will be responsible for any mishappening so wake up and do something really extra ordinary to fix this matter.

I would request you to keep us posted.

editor

IVE BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND FOR 9 YEARS WE HAD A GREAT MARRIAGE IN THE PAST BUT NOW THINGS HAVE REALLY CHANGED WE FIGHT ALOT AND I SOMETIMES WONDER IF HES CHEATING ON ME. IM TORN BETWEEN HIM AND MY DAUGHTER FIGHTING ALL THE TIME AND NOW I FEEL HE DOESNT GIVE ME ANY ATTENTION HE IS ON VACATION FOR 9 DAYS AND IT HAS BEEN 4 DAYS SO FAR AND WHAT HE DOES IS SLEEP LATE THEN WHEN THE KIDS GET HOME HE PLAYS THE PLAYSTATION WITH THEM AND I FEEL SO ALONE I REALLY NEED SOME ATTENTION I FEEL HE DOESNT LOVE ME ANYMORE AND I CRY ALOT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO IVE BEEN SO DEPRESSED ABOUT THIS AND NOW LATELY HE HAS BEEN YELLING AT ME LIKE A CHILD. HE SCREAMS AT ME AND SAYS IS THAT ALL YOU CAN DO IS RUN THAT F MOUTH? BECAUSE I ASK HIM TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME AND HE SAYS I WILL BUT DOESNT AND THEN FALLS ASLEEP BUT HIS MOTHER WOULD CALL AND ASK FOR HIM TO HELP HER HANG LIGHTS AND HE JUMPED RIGHT TO IT! MARY.

II a man tells you your perfect in bed loving faithful kind loving generous funny anyone would be lucky to have you but hes got a serious flirting , specific sex sites, sex on t.v.starring at body parts knows it hurts so lies or sneeks knows its pushing us apart cries hell get help never wants to hurt i deserve better all that then types in "Hairy muffs" next fay! im so tired of it and other lies dont want it in my life. have no place to go no job exper his whole family like this too what to do? Im from a family together 55 yrs

My husband and I used to talk "dirty" during sex and it usualy involved another woman. It made me feel uncomfortable but I went along with it because it seemed to really get him excited. Well finaly we ended up turning talk into action and had a three-some with him and I an a girl I know. I got very jealous and haven't been able to get the picture out of my mind, but I was involved so it was my fault too. the night before last we were having sex and he couldn't stay errect. So i started wispering in his ear stuff about me and him and another girl "noone was named" but I just got this strong feeling when his eyes were closed that he was thinking of her, he got instantly errect and came fast. It is really upseting me and I'm scared this may be the end of our marriage. Has anyone been through this too? I need someone to talk to....

My husband and I have been married for 11 years. We have two children, ages 6 and 2. I am a stay at home Mom and take my family and responsibilities very seriously.

Yet I am a little bit more laid back than my husband. He owns a busy restaurant with over 100 empoyees and seems to have a lot of stress.

There is an issue in our marriage that is driving us apart. My husband feels the need to constantly complain and criticize me about my homemaking capabilities. Nothing is ever good enough for him at home. He yells in front of the kids and he brings stress to our daily homelife. He seems to have turned into a type A person. He was not like this before. We had kids and I was working bringing home a major portion of the money. I know he compares me to his mother who effortlessly raised 4 boys, everything perfect (you get the picture). My husband is very high energy and can hardly relax. My house isn't always perfect but is always clean! He tells me all the time what a great mother I am but that I am disorganized at home. Truth be told, he is not very organized himself, but surrounds himself at work with very well organized, competent people who do what he tells them. I am a very intellegent, loving women who takes care of everything in our lives, very well I might add, but he makes me feel like a failure and causes me to resent him. Then he wonders why I sometimes don't feel the desire to be intimate with him. I tell him my feelings and he will promise not to yell. Then in the same breath he will say that he is waiting for me to step up and try harder. I cannot go on living this way. I don't know what to do?

Any advice?

When my husband and I got married we said we would have kids in 5 years. We have now been married 4 years and I want to start trying. He still wants to wait 1 or 2 years. My mother told me that we need to wait because he will resent the child for the rest of his life if he is forced to have it before he is ready. But I think he is just scared and will change his mind once he sees his wonderful child. What should I do?

My husband has a VERY bad habit of talking loudly and cursing. My kids (11 and 8) recognize it and dislike it as much as I do. He is also hard to talk to about important matters because he gets his feelings hurt easily and is quite defensive. When he does try to listen and understand, he just says, "I'm getting better, tho" but he's not. This lack of self-control is a HUGE turn-off. I find myself avoiding him all together which obviously hurts our sex life and communication over-all. What to do?

my husband wants me to talk sweet ot him, but i don't neccaerally turn him on when i do? how do you talk sweet to your spouse?

The ideal is to listen or learn to listen patiently. Listening is part of talk.

Sweetness doesnt mean talking sweet words but speaking naturally from your heart with kindness and compassion.

Be yourself without raising your voice and speak slowly and softly. You will notice the difference.

Editor

Need help: = I am having huge problems in my marriage because my wife has been lying to me for 8 years. Before getting married she asked me for time off from her work to prepare for the wedding. After the wedding I will go back to work, she said and I agreed. She went to work 4years later for six months then got pregnant -coincidence or my luck- then when our baby was borned she said I am going to care for the baby only until she is 2or3 then I will go back to work. well the baby became 3 then she changed to "once the baby starts school,I will go back to work, I said OK when the baby started school she said I will go back later. Now the baby is five years old and my wife suddenly took the decision on her own " I will not go to work unless we get divorced". My real problem is not for her really to work but I do not feel that she is contributing or being productive in the house by going around with her family all day long(she does take a good care of the baby)but nothing for me. I am about to go off with my life because I feel that I am on my own anyway but because of the baby I am hesitant . please give a light am I crazy, selfish abnormal or what? "just a reminder we went to marriage counseling, psychologist.. many times"

No you are not crazy nor she is lying.

You are simply not realistic and wasting time fantasizing and controlling.

You are lucky that your wife doesnt want to work. One doesnt need great load of money to make a successful home. A small manageable home is better than great home without any love.

How and what she does at home is her choice and your instinct of control or ignorning you will further alienate her.

What can you do?
Be normal, understanding, loving and friendly.
Try see life from her angle.
Communicate with her, talk to her about her logical needs and talk about everything to conclude. If you think you are better off without her, try a temporary separation and see if you find it better.

Nobody can help you in this only yourself. Change your attitude.

Editor

Please I would like to have a woman married and before then I'll need to commuinate with her to find that whether she is what I want.

MIKE,
WE WOULD ALL LIKE THAT, BUT GETTING IT IS ANOTHER STORY.HAHA)..................

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